Alison Bezzina

What is it about men and cars? What is that special bond no woman, dog or mistress has ever managed to understand, let alone re-create?

How does an inanimate metal object, with greasy bolts and nuts, manage to create that special kind of long-lasting relationship typically shared only among fresh lovers? I’m sure you’ve noticed that whenever a group of men come together, chances are that sooner or later the topic of cars will crop up, and once this happens, no other topic will stand a chance. Their second most favourite subject – football – will also be a far cry behind, and will only come into the discussion in a matter of passing.

But what is it that attracts men to cars with such uncontrollable fervour? Is it the speed - the adrenaline rush they get from sitting behind the wheel of a fast car; or is it because they find their ultimate companions in cars? Let’s face it, a car lets a man wear whatever he wants; he can freely confide in his car without having to commit; he can dream about it without being considered soppy by his mates; he can travel with it; he can paint the town red with it; he can openly have screen savers of it, and he can stay inside it for as long as he pleases without even having to shower first. Plus, he can do all this without being expected to call his car in the morning, or to send it flowers on special occasions. And if he accidentally bumps a fender or dents the bonnet, his car will never send him to the dog house or expect an apologetic diamond.

So yes, even though I am a woman, thus lacking the necessary organs that emotionally attach me to a car, I have grown to understand why my male colleagues relentlessly gather to talk about their cars as though they were the love of their lives. What I hope they realise is that if they were half as passionate about their wives, they would be enjoying ‘the back seat of their Cadillac’ much more frequently!

Possibly, the best portrayal of this ‘special’ bond between a man and his car was portrayed during the American television series Knight Rider. The 80s show starred David Hassellhoff as Michael Knight, who drove a car called KITT. For many, KITT was the real star of the show because it boasted artificial intelligence that could reason, talk and deliver the best sarcastic one-liners to Michael Knight as an equal. Just the perfect relationship based on love and camaraderie which even time failed to corrode. KITT could drive itself when Michael was otherwise engaged saving the world from some monstrous tragedy, and the two lovers kept in constant contact through Michael’s wrist watch. Typically the female in the relationship, KITT had two characters - that of the vehicle and that of the microprocessor, but in this case, Michael never complained of his lover’s complex nature. KITT belongs to Tim Russo, who bought it 10 years ago at an auction and who has been restoring it ever since. He has now put it on sale in California for $150,000. Obviously KITT has no voice or quick wit, nor can it drive itself or soar into the air, and its new owner will not even be able to take it on the road, as it is missing a number of modifications required by US law. So whoever buys this car will not be after an adrenaline-rush evoked from the speed it offers, but a genuine and much softer romantic relationship of admiration and unadulterated love that every woman dreams of finding.

It comes as no surprise that in 1995 a research study carried out in the UK by AXA Insurance found, that the majority of men felt that their car is their most treasured possession. Funnily however, though for women a car is just a commodity to get her from A to B, whilst men have a love affair with theirs, men are more likely to grievously bump and bruise their cars, break driving laws, and have serious motoring accidents. In fact this is why many insurance companies around the world offer female drivers cheaper premiums to insure their cars. They use the fact that men are responsible for most driving offences and account for the majority of dangerous driving convictions, as the main rational behind this otherwise discriminatory pricing. When it comes to driving, the difference between the sexes is partly evolutionary.

Although stone-age man did not drive, his 21st century skull still contains essential ‘stone-age’ brains. In the past, men’s aggressive and risk taking qualities enabled him to survive, and clearly these qualities are still evident in the way which he typically drives his car today. And since men think that women like nice cars, they also try to use them as bait to hunt and mate and pass on their genes to future generations. Of course, women like small, compact, practical cars which make the necessary ‘spreading’ simply impossible, or at least immensely uncomfortable!