Alison Bezzina

 

The word ignominy sounds like some complicated medical condition, and for some, it can be! It’s really just another word for shame or embarrassment, but in the case of people in show biz, it is another word for toe-curling, cheek-blushing, nail-biting, public mortification. Simply put, it’s the type of mortification that makes normal human beings want to sink into the ground and disappear from the face of the earth.

Possibly the most embarrassing story I have lived through is that of when I convinced a very close friend of mine to go out and have enough fun to forget that we were both going through a very messy break up. Forget we did, but she got so drunk that it took three of us to carry her out of the bar. Half way to the car, we were all crumbling under her dead weight, so we decided to sit her down on the pavement for a while. As luck would have it, this was when her ex-boyfriend passed by with his new entourage. Luckily she was too drunk to notice but she was also too drunk to control her bowels. Just as he bent down to talk to her she let it all out, and not from the front orifice but from the back one. The next morning she woke up in a pool of her own filth, with the mother of all hangovers threatening to explode her brain, and the most vivid and detailed memory of the night before. Up to this very day she gets flashes of her ex boyfriend’s facial expression as the stench of her insides reached his nostrils.

But, as common mortals, we have our anonymity to protect us from the worst possible repercussions of public shame. Our youthful drunken disasters, or even middle-aged foolishness, are forgotten by friends and hopefully ex boyfriends, but what happens to those who have paparazzi and tabloid cameras popping out from every corner of their spot-lit lives? Theoretically, because everything they do goes public even before they have recovered from their hangovers, it should be impossible for celebrities to feel shame without embarrassment, and yet, most manage to pull themselves out of cringe-worthy humiliation and come out swinging again in no time. They simply bounce back from under the humiliating wreckage, look the cameras straight in the lens, and go on to achieve even more ridiculous levels of fame.

Let’s take Lindsay Lohan for example. She was caught drinking, canoodling and fighting on the streets. Who in the world can honestly say that they have never found themselves in a similar predicament? I know I can’t! But because she’s famously beautiful, and because all this happened whilst she was wearing a very loose-fitting halter top, she ended up plastered on every men’s magazine in sight. And what about Jessica Simpson who was caught lip-singing on Saturday Night Live, and soon after booed off stage by over 70,000 people when she tried to sing at the Orange Bowl?

The stories go on, and on and on. Janet Jackson for example not only moved on from the Super Bowl “wardrobe malfunction,” where she displayed a mammary to all and sundry, but reached new heights in the popularity radar because of it. Our very own Claudette Pace also came very close to exposing her rear end to the nation. Picture this: Claudette is presenting ‘Sellili’ (1997/98). She’s wearing a modest blue suit. Paul Giordmaina is singing and playing the piano. Whilst off camera, busy body Claudette decides to go to the kitchen to place some things on a low shelf. She bends down and ZZZZZZZZZZZiiiipppp goes her trousers which tear all the way from the cross to the waist line. Her gracious behind is completely exposed but there’s no time to change into a new pair. The show must go on, so she spends the rest of the programme walking sideways avoiding the camera, the audience and the sniggering studio crew! Of course, had Claudette not saved the day and let the nation get glimpse of her bottom, the programme’s ratings would have hit the roof, because that’s simply how show business works.

But then there are the other extremes, like Rick Allen (Def Leppard drummer) who came back to face his fans after pleading guilty to spousal battery. Allen was sentenced not only to probation, counselling and mandatory attendance to Alcoholic Anonymous meetings, but was also made to pay for a public service announcement (television advert), in which he admits that he is a wife batterer, and urges other batterers to seek counselling! Toe curling cringe!

How do they do it? Have they grown completely oblivious to their own shame? Or have they developed a very thick skin towards public opinion and criticism? Or maybe, when it comes to celebrity humiliation, the rules are different to those that regulate the rest of society. For example, if you form part of the entertainment business, not only is it acceptable to show off some taboo part of your body, but it could actually be a deliberate attempt to land you a better career deal. As a regular Joe however, exposing a little extra skin might land you in front of a judge. Last month, a group of Swedish youngsters were charged with indecency and ‘lewd acts in public’ because, as a prank, they wore their boxer shorts to Paceville. They pleaded guilty and were let off the hook so long as they do not ‘offend’ again within a year. I heard this piece of news on the radio, and whilst I was still wallowing in the disbelief that our police would actually waste their time with such an inane issue, a popular Eminem song came blaring on the airwaves. What this means is that the same society that arrests hairless teenage boys in pastel patterned shorts, allows music with themes of wife abuse, incest, murder, rape and other forms of violence against women and gay people, to be aired freely. Both of Eminem’s critically acclaimed albums have lyrics fantasizing about raping his mother and murdering his wife, and yet he is easily the most popular white rapper ever who gets nationally broadcasted even in countries that take teenage boys to court for essentially being teenage boys.

Shame is a common tool used by parents to control their children, but as we grow older we become better able to judge our own actions, and guilt should become our conscience watchdog. But this applies only to common mortals and not celebrities. It probably applies even less when it comes to politicians whose advisors know what they should allow their subjects to say in order to avoid being shamed or embarrassed. Do not worry; I will not be going into the boring details of our petty political scene, as I’m sure, that this year, everyone has had more than enough. Instead, allow me to me to entertain you with some ‘Bushisims’ as there is no better example than George W. Bush, to prove that some people just lack the normal level of shame receptors. This allows them to keep coming back for more horrendous discomfiture with their head held high, when in reality, it should be neatly tucked away up their you know where.

Adventures in George W. Bushspeak (Courtesy of About.com – Political Humour):

• "First of all, I don't see America having problems." --George W. Bush, interview with Bob Costas at the 2008 Olympics, Beijing, China, Aug. 10, 2008
• "And they have no disregard for human life." --George W. Bush, on the brutality of Afghan fighters, Washington, D.C., July 15, 2008
• "Throughout our history, the words of the Declaration have inspired immigrants from around the world to set sail to our shores. These immigrants have helped transform 13 small colonies into a great and growing nation of more than 300 people." --George W. Bush, Charlottesville, Va., July 4, 2008
• "We've got a lot of relations with countries in our neighbourhood." --George W. Bush, Kranj, Slovenia, June 10, 2008
• "I'll be long gone before some smart person ever figures out what happened inside this Oval Office." --George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., May 12, 2008
• "Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." —Washington, D.C., Aug. 5, 2004

And for my all time favourite:

• "They misunderestimated me." —Bentonville, Ark., Nov. 6, 2000

First published on Life and Style Magazine October 2008