Funny Cream

Those of you who know me, read me, or have heard the gossip about me, know that I have a grave condition. In fact it is so far gone that my prognosis looks very grim.

Simply put, my problem is that I have become almost entirely incapable of taking anything seriously. I don’t know how or when this happened to me, but it has reached a point where I can hardly stop myself from cracking a joke during a funeral.

Let’s be clear. There are two things in life that I do take extremely seriously – my sleep and Bill Cosby- in that order. Don’t mess with either one of these and we could quite easily live happily ever after.

Bill Cosby once said that ‘if you can find humour in anything, you can survive it’, and from all the philosophy, psychology and theology that I’ve dabbled with, (and believe me I’ve dabbled with quite a bit,) I honestly think that this is the best piece of wisdom that I’ve ever come across.

But like common sense, humour, is not so common…at least not amid the human race. For this reason I’ve been working closely with a group of barmy scientists and comedians to develop a Funny Cream which is intended to boost the humour hormones even in the most sombre. Initial results look promising.

Once released into the market the recommended dosage will be as follows:
■During election campaigns, politicians and party supporters, are to rub twice the monthly dose under both armpits and preferably on either side of the groin.
■During football matches, nervous supporters are to mix a whole jar of the cream with their first beer
■Lawyers and priests are to bathe in it daily.
■It will also be mandatory for every teacher, parent or anyone in a position to influence children, to apply a dose every hour on the hour, in and around every reachable crevice of their body.

Various studies show that pupils who fall in love with their teachers learn more, and at the pace of a rabbit on heat. Ok, so I made the rabbit bit up, but my point is simple – humour is a great aphrodisiac and if pupils are giggling, smiling, laughing or even falling off their little chairs, then they are right on track to falling in love with the subject they are being taught.

So once lab tests for the ‘Funny Cream’ are finalized, the medication will be released under the ‘we-all-need-to-lighten-up’ Act. This forms part of the ‘thou-shalt-not-carry-the-weight-of-the-world-on-your-shoulders’ Constitutional Law. Hopefully this will help us not to take life too seriously; after all, none of us are going to get out alive!

WARNING : Apply ‘Funny Cream’ sparingly at first and keep your eyes open for desirable side-effects. If frowns and worry persist, increase dosage. If people around you are smiling, administer generously. Failure to exercise care in the use of this product can result in severe injury, including but not limited to contagious laughter, and a happier life. You have been warned!