Against The Grain

It is a fact universally acknowledged that most of us, even the most politically aware, and politically correct, tend to assume that females and males are indeed fundamentally opposite. We unknowingly assume that we know a lot about someone just because we know their sex, but the truth is that knowing someone’s sex tells us a lot about what’s under their clothes and not much else.

Just knowing that someone is female, does not tell us if she’s as athletic as Nadia Comaneci or as lazy as a sloth. Similarly, just knowing someone is male doesn’t in any way tell us whether his driving skills reflect those of a Schumacher or a blind rabbit.

The media might perpetuate ridiculous gender myths and stereotypes because these are convenient short cuts to people’s brains, but Alison Bezzina found people who prove beyond any doubt, that sex is a disastrous predictor of anything, except perhaps for what lies between one’s legs.

Boys Do Cry!

Life has thrown more than a few curve balls at 60 year old Roger Davies Barrett – a father of two and grandfather of three., Roger is generally one of the happiest and most easy going people around, and yet, he has no problem saying that he cries freely, frequently and involuntarily.

According to Roger, ‘to express ones innermost feelings as a man, can be the most painful experiences especially for a father. The tough outer layer that has to always be shown to the outside world becomes a solitary place with no respite from the expectations of our children, our life, and society. If we could all cry for those things that are really important to us, maybe, just maybe, we might open a portal to our real selves and find relief from the heavy burden of fatherhood.’

Roger best explains his tears through this poem he himself has written:

Tears by Roger Davies-Barrett

They ran so freely long ago

For trivial reasons it seemed so

As the years moved on the tide slowed

It seemed to shame if they showed

They flowed inward in a silent way

Sometimes never a drop in a single day

My growing children caused some cascade

As their lives in front they did parade

Lovers came and then departed

Tears inward for the broken hearted

New love came here to stay

Tears flowed to mark the day

The thought of death holds no fear

As on that day I’ll shed my final tear

For all that life spent with tears within

If a man cries is it such a sin……?

Women with Balls!

Carmen Portelli, is a mother of two and a very fresh grandmother of her first grandchild April. She is probably best known as the wife of Malta’s King of Rock and Roll – Freddie Portelli. Whilst her husband’s passion is music, and his day is filled with finding ways of expressing his emotions through his songs, Carmen is the self-confident rock of the family, and an avid Juventus fan.

‘I’ve always been a football fan. Ever since I was a child I supported the Italians and eventually the Juventus team. I don’t ever miss a game when my team is playing, and I become so hyped up during an important match that it’s dangerous to even joke with me if they’re loosing. My husband, and the rest of the family are not into football at all, but I can’t help myself. Everybody knows which team I support and whenever they lose I receive many messages to pull my leg, teasing me about the capabilities of the team. I even called our cat Causio after the famous Italian footballer Franco Causio. My children are quite embarrassed about this and call the cat ‘Cow’. They somehow think it’s cooler to call a cat after a cow than after a footballer!’

‘I would love to go watch a game live at a stadium perhaps in Italy, but I don’t think that my heart can take the excitement. Honestly I think I would get a heart attack, whether they win or lose.’

No Sex Please I’m Male

John (38)* has been married for five years. He has a child on the way and openly asserts not to like sex, at least not in the traditional sense of the word. His wife has had a very hard time understanding this, because she was brought up to believe that men will have sex wherever, whenever and possibly with whoever offers it, but not her husband. ‘I was never highly sexed,’ explains John. ‘Whilst growing up, my friends and brothers used to talk about sex all the time. I can’t say that I wasn’t interested because I was, but it was more curiosity than anything else. Once I got down to it, I quickly concluded that it was overrated.’

‘Before I got married I changed partners several times, thinking that maybe it was them, or that perhaps we were physically incompatible, but honestly, now I know it’s not the case. My wife and I waited until we got married to sleep together, and we have what I consider a decent sex life, but even after all these years she’s always wondering if I’m getting my fill from somewhere else. It’s not that she would like to have more sex more often, in fact she admits that she could live without intercourse all of her life, but she’s never convinced that a man can feel the same way. She’s just convinced that men are not wired that way.’

‘I’ve been to doctors and psychologists. I’ve checked if it’s a biological, or perhaps a hormonal condition, I’ve checked if it’s psychological, and we’ve also been to marriage counselling. I’ve even questioned my sexual orientation, but have since long ruled everything out. I’m just not that into sex, but I love romance, and cuddling, and intimacy that does not involve intercourse. My wife loves this side of me but still has a hard time understanding how I can be physically aroused and yet not interested in releasing the urge. I can’t explain it either but that’s just the way it is!’

Females In Fast Cars

Stephanie Calleja is 29 years old. As a child she used a pink box, meant to store her ballet shoes, to collect small match box cars in. Today she is the only female driver and member of the ICC Club. ‘I always had a passion for cars. My father, John Farrugia, is a walking car encyclopaedia, so you can imagine where all this stems for. As a girl I had the same passion as my dear good father. Back in the early days, my father and I would go to Ta’ Qali and to Half Far to follow motor events. As any teenager, I was eager to get a head start, and to learn how to drive, so my patient father would let me drive around Ta Qali.

I then met Edward who is now my husband. His only means of transport was a motorbike, and I loved this about him and he eventually purchased a Peugeot 205GTi which is hill climbing car. On a Saturday afternoon whilst Edward was working, I would enjoy driving up to Hal Far on my own and give it a run down the quarter mile, but my oh my, being female I was not greeted too well! I would then roll up the windows, rev up the engine and speed down the quarter mile again. It gave me such a rush of adrenalin every time.

Eventually, Edward joined the ICC Club and for 8 years I would go and video record him at each and every hillclimb, hoping that one day I would get my chance to drive. Two years ago Edward wanted to change his car thus leaving the Peugeot 205GTi driverless. I did not want him to sell the car as I could not bare to see anyone else driving it. As far as I’m concerned that car is a part of us. This is when my hopes began to soar…to race in a hillclimb. The Peugeot 205GTi was all geared up for racing. All it needed was a driver! My 1st hillclimb was amazing. It took place in Gnejna 2009. I simply love that road although I had an accident there in my last race, but the thrill was beyond belief and I will shortly be back in the driver’s seat and give it a shot at Pennellu.

I am no expert, but driving is something I enjoy immensely. It’s all about the car and me, and the rest of the world is shut out. Into the car I go, helmet and suit checked, seatbelt on, windows rolled up and engine on. As I wait at the starting line, my eyes and mind focused on the road ahead of me, hands gripped on the steering wheel, foot on the gas paddle, the rumble of the engine soaring as I press the gas a couple of times waiting for the green light to go, heart beating that I can almost hear it, then finally the green light is on and off I go to get to the top. The fact that am driving at high speed within a safe environment, knowing that it is hard to hurt anyone is always a relief. I thank the club for ensuring that on the day we have all the necessary equipment and personnel to make sure that all is running smoothly and that we can all have an enjoyable event each time.

I took part in races as a Day Member 3 times but then I wanted to join the club therefore I had to get all my gear set. This consists of a full fire suit, driving shoes and a FIA helmet. These are the minimum requirements according to the club’s regulations and without them one is not allowed to race. With regards to the mechanics of the car I am not completely incompetent and thanks to my father and husband I have acquired some knowledge, though in Malta, I must say, we have good patient mechanics.

The night before my first race, I was so excited that I could not sleep. The start line was full of men and the ever faithful supporting wives, girlfriends & family. Surprisingly I did not feel that I was any different to the men. I wanted to race and that’s what I did. Thankfully I am supported by my family, friends and the club, and will hopefully continue to race for many years to come, God willing.

Males In The Mirror

Martin Camilleri (47) is married with two children. He is self employed as an Interior Designer, and believes that looking his best at all times is of utmost importance in life. ‘People prefer to mould their life according to what gives them satisfaction. Careers, hobbies, listening to music, and helping others, are a few examples. I believe that looking after myself produces an inner strength that helps me get on with the day. Couple this with a positive attitude and even people who have just met you will feel it.

Although, generally speaking women tend to give their appearance more importance, I do not differentiate between the sexes. Men can look just as good as women. Grooming, clothes, and a sense of humour all help to make an impact.

I am an early riser. I go for a short walk first thing in the morning, then shower, and get dressed. I choose my clothes according to what I have planned for the day normally opting for casual smart all days of the week. I shave every other day and gel my hair daily. I trim my hair every one and a half months, I check my teeth every six months, and shower at least twice a day in winter and three times in summer. I wash my hands a million times a day.

I have always taken good care of my appearance though I do not think that I go to extremes. My wife likes the way I look and she only complains about the enormous quantity of clothes that she has to wash and iron on a daily basis.

Planning is always an important factor. The more you plan, the less time it will take so it only takes me about 20 minutes to shave, prepare my clothes, put on the steam iron, shower, iron the clothes, get dressed and do my hair.

I don’t go on weekly shopping sprees but every three months or so I visit my favourite shops with a mental list in mind and spend around €700 every time. I prefer buying quality instead of quantity.

I obviously need an above average income to sustain my lifestyle so work and making money are also very important. I try not to go over the top and always find enough time spend with family, friends and for myself as well. I like it this way – it gives me the energy to keep on going.

Trigger Happy Lady

Lyndsay Shead is 30 years old. She works with the Air Wing Armed Forces of Malta, and lives with her long time boyfriend. Unlike what one would traditionally expect from a woman, her undying passion is for guns. ‘I don’t consider my hobby a sport, although I have gone to a couple of clay pigeon shooting sessions with friends. My work involves guns, and I train regularly using an AK 56-2, which is a replica of the AK 47. I’ve also attended an Armourer’s course where I had the opportunity to try out another ten different weapons, from pistols to rifles, sub machine guns, light machine guns, machine guns and heavy machine guns.

As a hobby I collect gun models and books about guns. I think it is something I was born with and my interest grew as I joined the army and I started learning more about them. Besides my extensive model collection I also own an air pistol. Holding a gun makes me feel kind of powerful and nothing compares to the satisfaction I get is when I check my score after a shooting session!

I’ve often been told that it’s not very lady like to have such a passion for guns but I’m used to these comments as I don’t do many ‘lady’ like things. As a child I played football and eventually joined the Hibernians Ladies Team. I played for 13½ years. I don’t know what the big deal is, just because I’m a woman people think that my interests are strange but who says that women can’t or wouldn’t like these kind of things?

First published in Pink Magazine May 2010 click here to view